Post by Denise on Jun 3, 2011 8:31:46 GMT
Introducing the Germy Soap Pump AwardsIf you haven’t seen the TV advert for the Dettol No-Touch soap dispenser, you may still have witnessed the derision that greeted it.
“Never touch a germy soap pump again,” declares the ad, evading the fact that the next thing people do after touching a germy pump is wash their hands.
Writing in the Sheffield Forum (motto: For Everything Sheffield), Lauren84 points out that whatever you do to eliminate germy soap pumps, chances are you still have to turn off a germy tap after using one.
Among other fine health-related inventions is a hand-near-mouth alarm, the purpose of which is to combat obesity by warning users when they are about to eat. Brilliant and highly effective, as long as you are also prepared to forego drinking, cleaning your teeth and blowing your nose.
Much more sensible is the “reminder and enforcer apparatus” for children with braces on their teeth. This invention sets off an alarm when the braces are removed. Refitting them closes an electrical circuit and shuts off the alarm. A badly wired prototype also proved effective at shutting off the child.
A US patent was issued in 2000 for a rear-mounted “modesty flap” designed to take all the fun out of hospital gowns. It was a gap in the market that stubbornly refused to close and the modesty flap was never seen again.
Also from the US, an ash bib for drivers reduces the health hazards of smoking without the inconvenience of giving up. Anyone who has experienced the distraction of hot f*g ash in the groin at motorway speeds will appreciate the ash bib’s important contribution to driver comfort and road safety.
In the world of pet health, Neuticles was the name given to fake testicles to restore the dignity of neutered animals. The product was a flop, but Neuticles could be about to make a comeback if the rumours are true of a government plan to make GPs more docile by surgically removing their self-esteem.
In 1965, a patent was lodged by George and Charlotte Blonsky of New York for a centrifugal delivery table. By spinning the mother at high speed, reluctant new-borns could be extracted from the womb in a fraction of the time. The Blonskys report renewed interest in their product from overstretched NHS maternity units.
The would-be inventor is exposed to health risks as well as ridicule. An American engineer and chemist named Thomas Midgley was left disabled in middle age after contracting polio. The resourceful fellow constructed a system of ropes and pulleys to lift him from his bed, but died of strangulation when the hoist malfunctioned.
Thomas Midgley’s demise wasn’t soon enough to prevent him bequeathing health risks to the rest of us. Apart from his lethal hoist, Midgley is remembered for the invention of chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) and tetraethyl lead – the lead in leaded petrol.
All of which suggest another missed opportunity. The No-Touch petrol dispenser would be a boon to motorists who need never touch a germy gas pump again.
In honour of Mr Midgley and those like him, NHS Networks is proud to announce the first annual Germy Soap Pump Awards. Send in your nomination for useless health innovation of 2011 and explain in no more than 50 words why you have nothing better to do.
Comment here: (Please wash your hands after clicking this link)
NHS Networks
“Never touch a germy soap pump again,” declares the ad, evading the fact that the next thing people do after touching a germy pump is wash their hands.
Writing in the Sheffield Forum (motto: For Everything Sheffield), Lauren84 points out that whatever you do to eliminate germy soap pumps, chances are you still have to turn off a germy tap after using one.
Among other fine health-related inventions is a hand-near-mouth alarm, the purpose of which is to combat obesity by warning users when they are about to eat. Brilliant and highly effective, as long as you are also prepared to forego drinking, cleaning your teeth and blowing your nose.
Much more sensible is the “reminder and enforcer apparatus” for children with braces on their teeth. This invention sets off an alarm when the braces are removed. Refitting them closes an electrical circuit and shuts off the alarm. A badly wired prototype also proved effective at shutting off the child.
A US patent was issued in 2000 for a rear-mounted “modesty flap” designed to take all the fun out of hospital gowns. It was a gap in the market that stubbornly refused to close and the modesty flap was never seen again.
Also from the US, an ash bib for drivers reduces the health hazards of smoking without the inconvenience of giving up. Anyone who has experienced the distraction of hot f*g ash in the groin at motorway speeds will appreciate the ash bib’s important contribution to driver comfort and road safety.
In the world of pet health, Neuticles was the name given to fake testicles to restore the dignity of neutered animals. The product was a flop, but Neuticles could be about to make a comeback if the rumours are true of a government plan to make GPs more docile by surgically removing their self-esteem.
In 1965, a patent was lodged by George and Charlotte Blonsky of New York for a centrifugal delivery table. By spinning the mother at high speed, reluctant new-borns could be extracted from the womb in a fraction of the time. The Blonskys report renewed interest in their product from overstretched NHS maternity units.
The would-be inventor is exposed to health risks as well as ridicule. An American engineer and chemist named Thomas Midgley was left disabled in middle age after contracting polio. The resourceful fellow constructed a system of ropes and pulleys to lift him from his bed, but died of strangulation when the hoist malfunctioned.
Thomas Midgley’s demise wasn’t soon enough to prevent him bequeathing health risks to the rest of us. Apart from his lethal hoist, Midgley is remembered for the invention of chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) and tetraethyl lead – the lead in leaded petrol.
All of which suggest another missed opportunity. The No-Touch petrol dispenser would be a boon to motorists who need never touch a germy gas pump again.
In honour of Mr Midgley and those like him, NHS Networks is proud to announce the first annual Germy Soap Pump Awards. Send in your nomination for useless health innovation of 2011 and explain in no more than 50 words why you have nothing better to do.
Comment here: (Please wash your hands after clicking this link)
NHS Networks